where thinking in the car will get ya...

tonight was my last tango class. it was by far the most difficult class. the material was challenging and as we all struggled, i left tonight without getting a really good dance in. just didn't find that - click - with anyone. hard to explain why, but this produces a weirdly uncomfortable, unsettled feeling. it's an extremely unpleasant form of dissatisfaction. and i was tired. i mean, i worked. yet, there was this something that just never got a chance to get out.

so, i got in my car to leave and figured i'd put on some music and sing it out. i threw on some of my favorite music to sing to and just wailed. it felt GREAT. not just, yeah!-i-got-it-out! great, but great the way singing feels when your breath is free, your body feels strong and relaxed and it's just easy. flowing. funny enough, this is exactly the feeling that never happened at tango tonight. yet, it was tango that got me into this place. prepared me to sing with like, 70% better technique than i normally muster. so it occurs to me, it's amazing how similar singing and tango are.

in my singing lesson days, my biggest liability was my resistance to relaxing into my breath. to let the breath flow, while at the same time supporting it firmly, committing yourself to even the subtlest use of that breath. and this of course can not be achieved while holding back, being tentative, or dwelling on self-consciousness. you have to take the plunge, and still be taking the plunge, never abandoning, even when a note is soft and long. tango is exactly the same way. like many beautiful voices, it is very often slow and deliberate, while still undeniably dynamic. lingering, subtle, intimate. then a burst of overt power. a display of what's been contained.

thinking on these qualities, i have come to an interesting realization. almost everything i love to do is made more excellent by the mastery of these qualities. i think that is because i love artistic expression. the importance of pace and timing, the interconnectedness of breath and ground, strength and fluidity, dynamic subtlety and overt power - all of these relationships inform creative expression at its best. they all contribute to the kind of controlled tension that poses a question and demands a response. there may be an infinite number of answers, but you must pick one. even if just for a moment.

so what's the point of all this rambling? i guess all i'm trying to say is, when i dance, i am literally becoming a better singer, writer, photographer, and well - artist. and i love that. it rocks.