asking

i am sick and can not sleep. so what to do? post! and luckily i have some great material - my lesson of the day!

this evening, while gchatting and generally feeling miserable both physically and mentally (phoneless = pathetic ball of mental discomfort,) colleen asked whether i needed a blessing and could she help me get hold of moonman to give said blessing. well folks, i had never asked for a blessing.

there have been many times throughout my last 2 and 1/2 years as an lds gal that i could have benefited greatly from a blessing. and yet, i always seemed to talk myself out of it, not get around to it, or otherwise flagrantly avoid making the request. i always seemed to feel that whatever was going on with me was not important enough to warrant putting someone out, drawing undue attention to myself, and well, asking for help.

then, last week a friend found herself in a situation that she thought might call for a blessing, yet she felt uncomfortable asking. we talked about it extensively and the conversation stayed with me. why did i hesitate so much? what did it mean that i would not ask? was i being prideful? did i not think i was important enough to ask for God's attention and the attention of one of his disciples? did that mean that i don't believe God when he says he loves me? what exactly would be important enough to force me to ask for help? because that's basically what my actions were saying - i shouldn't ask unless i was forced to by insanely extreme circumstances.

when colleen asked those words, "do you think you need a blessing?" (thanks colleen. you are in touch with the Spirit and we around you benefit from that immensely.) my immediate reply was, "i was thinking about it, but..." then that previous conversation came to mind and something told me, it's time to start asking now. so i asked. surprisingly, it was a lot simpler than i'd imagined. no lengthy explanations/justifications for my need. just a simple request for help.

the blessing was perfect. exactly what i needed. the Lord was there for me and for the worthy priesthood holder who served me when i asked. this power given to us through the Lord's priesthood is a testament to both how much he loves us and how much he trusts us. it was an experience of heartbreaking grace to benefit so directly from power and authority bestowed by Christ.

not growing up in the church, i've not often thought about the fact that i do not have a priesthood holder in my house. very early on in my conversion, i held a strong testimony of the significance of priesthood authority and the importance of the men in our church, who are certainly the most amazing men in the world. but i never really connected this knowledge to myself on a personal level. i knew it in my mind and spirit, but not in my heart.

tonight i learned it in my heart. and lemme tell ya - it feels great!